so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
