Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
