Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
