We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
