I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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