guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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