Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
