i may or may not be watching the land before time
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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