He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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