using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
