I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
