I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
