I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
