Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
