i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
