We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
