last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
