would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
