Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
