you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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