Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
