Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You may now shotgun with the bride
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
