shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
