Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
