some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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