I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
