How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
