"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
