On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
