I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
