she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
