I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
