guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
