My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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