Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
