he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
