WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
