a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
