If i come over, it means nothing
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
