i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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