My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
