So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
