Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
