i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Randomize
