worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
My liver just had a heart attack.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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