OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
the condom got lost in my hair
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
