We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
