I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
