dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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