the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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