she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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